Have you ever received a text that at first glance seems totally standard, it doesn’t faze you at all and you don’t think much of it, but just casually reply? Then just as you’re about to lock your phone and go back to your homework/job/Facebook-stalking your eye catches the timestamp of the text and suddenly the entire meaning of the text shifts.
Timestamps have transformative powers – they can make a simple “Hey, what’s up?” [which by the way is really annoying, if you’re going to text make it a little substantive!] into a creepy 4:07 am “Hey, what’s up?” and suddenly you’re imagining the person, who you’d previously thought of as normal, as someone who’s sitting up all night, texting people at odds hours: a lonely, crazed insomniac.
Another transformative example: “What’re you doing today” – sent at noon is casual – the guy may think you’ve just rolled out of bed, had a light lunch and are looking for a chill hang out. Note: This is what you want to seem like. The guy does NOT need to know that you woke up at 7 am to shower, blow dry, straighten and style your hair then exfoliate, cleanse, floss, pluck, shave, and moisturize every inch of your body. He doesn’t need to know that you allotted four hours for make up, so that every pore can be painted and powdered and each eyelash immaculately painted in trying to achieve “the natural look”, so that when you “casually” meet up with him for an afternoon movie you look like you aren’t trying hard at all. He doesn’t need to know that your first thoughts on waking up were how to stage an accidental run in with him. These however are the things that read when someone receives a “What’re you doing today” text at 7:02 am.
As previously mentioned in our “Booty Call” text article, your timestamp says a lot about your level of interest. If you send a booty text before 11 pm, it’s looking like you’ve been planning to send that text all day, and he’ll know that you’ve got his name written in Sharpie on your panties a la The Virgin Suicides. If you text him later though it might be interpreted as a casual, oh, my night is almost over, what’re you up to type affair.
Timestamps also can be a dead give away for great double text excuses. For instance, if you pretend to have a technological malfunction and text a guy the same thing twice because he hasn’t responded and these texts are several hours a part, your timestamp is going to reveal that no, there was no technological malfunction, just a girl sitting at home, watching Bridget Jones on repeat and desperately trying to get a guy’s attention.
The girls of Texiquette also recommend waiting a little while in between texts – we generally allow 2 minutes and 17 seconds (this is considered a quick response time) – responding right away may give away the fact that you’ve been holding your phone nervously between shaking hands, glaring at it, willing it to ding with a text, and having a minor panic attack every time your mother texts you because you mistake it for a text from your potential future husband. (Just kidding…kind of)
Most importantly though, when considering the implications of your timestamp try and imagine what you would think if you received the same text from a guy at that time, and then try and put yourself in his shoes....be realistic though, and if you can’t be realistic read our blog a few more times and soak up some of our cynicism.
Examples of your responses vs. his responses:
a. “Hey, what’s up” at 7:00 am – You think: oh my gosh, I’m his first thought when he wakes up! So cute! He thinks: Oh my god, I’m her first thought when she wakes up – stage five clinger!
b. “Want to go to semi formal…in 4 weeks?” – [this really depends on your relationship with the guy, but if you’ve just started hanging out DON’T DO THIS] You think: wow, he’s planning a future together. He thinks: She’s already thinking about the future…stage five clinger!
c. “Did you have fun last night?” – if this is sent more than 20 hours after said party/night occurred: You think: He’s interested in my life! He thinks: She is looking for an excuse to text me…stage five clinger!
So just remember that your excitement over a text at a strange hour is inversely proportional to his excitement, or more specifically, directly proportional to his degree of “weirded-out-ness” (yes I just made that into a noun).
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