Admit it – you’ve been there too. Maybe you’re a little bored or perhaps you’ve knocked back one too many Natty Lights, but one thing is for damn certain – you’re feeling frisky and you’ve just got to let someone else know about it. So you reach into your bag, pull out that cell phone and bravely take your reputation into your own hands as you attempt the texting maneuver most closely associated with social suicide. That’s right, let’s talk about sexts. Whether you’re a seasoned professional or a rookie in the field of sexting, it is crucial to remember that in this business, there is no room for amateur hour because there is very little (ok, absolutely no) margin for error when it comes to composing and sending that seductive one-liner to your target. In order to help readers avoid becoming social pariahs the ladies of Textiquette have compiled a list of important things to consider when sexting:
1. This is not the time for your literary debut. Seriously. If your sext contains similes, metaphors, allusions to socio-political events, weather patterns, or generally any topics of conversation outside of what the actual topic of conversation is, you should give some serious thought deleting it. I’m talking immediately. Examples may include texts of this nature: “baby I want you as wet as the topsoil in the Amazon after a seasonal downpour”. Sexts of this variety will inevitably result in A) rejection (come on, unless you think comparing your privates to decaying plant life and destructive natural forces is sexy, this shouldn’t really come as much of a surprise) and B) humiliation. Your friends will likely respond with an incredulous “you sent WHAT?!!” and your recipient will almost certainly read the offending sext out loud to whatever group he/she happens to be with at the time. So unless you want to live down being mocked and ridiculed with Tarzan and/or meteorological references for the next four years either don’t send that sext or start filling out transfer applications.
2. There is a time and place for caution and uncertainty. This is not it. Let’s be real – very few things kill libido like someone who blatantly has no idea what they’re doing. So, things to avoid include: A) Question marks. Unless you’re questioning whether or not you should actually be sexting this person there is really nothing you need to be asking. B) Ambiguous statements. Sure, “I wanna do stuff with/to you” is just vague enough that it technically encompasses sexual activity however it is also just vague enough to suggest eating dinner, or physically accosting someone. Sexy? Very questionable.
3. Pick your audience with care. That girl/guy you think is hot that you maybe talked to once and somehow happened to procure the number of via a mutual lab partner is probably going to be creeped out when you decide the first textual exchange between the two of you is of the sextual variety. Do not allow a deluded sense of self confidence (either authentic or induced by external sources i.e. Busch Light, Jose Cuervo) trick you into thinking this is a good idea. It is not. Unless you think restraining orders are a turn-on, I would avoid doing this like he or she will avoid you after receiving that sext. Similarly, I always encourage double checking recipients before sending. Texting unfortunately does not yet include an “un-send” feature and I can pretty much guarantee that your sister who happens to share the first two letters of your potential hook-up’s name does not really want to receive texts from you soliciting her by accident. This is where caution is not only appreciated, but encouraged.
To summarize: when sexting, it is important to say only what you need to say, maintain a respectable level of boldness, and perhaps most importantly remember that an un-reciprocated sext is also an unsuccessful sext so do NOT, under any circumstance, no matter the mental duress or amount of grain alcohol consumed, allow yourself to be convinced to sext someone inappropriately. That is, unless you’re looking for a reason to barricade yourself in your room for several weeks while anticipating legal action, a lifetime of celibacy, and impending eternal judgment from friends and loved ones. Don’t let this discourage you though! Bear in mind that sexting can be a fun and enjoyable activity with very positive outcomes, provided you follow the simple rules outlined above. Let’s get it on.
[posted by krl]
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